D9 Truth or Dare!
by Aquaria Identity 07
Summary: In which YOU, the reader, get to ask questions or dare any of the District 9 crew. Any of them! Rated M yeah, we went there! for language and such, of course.
1. Welcome!

**D-9 Truth or Dare!**

Me: Hello, and welcome to **Truth or Dare, District 9 **style! I'm your gracious hostess, otherwise known as AI07, Mrs Shayne Ward and Mrs Jack Merridew among other things -

Wikus: Oh for _fok's _sake, get on with it!

Me: (_rolls eyes_) You never have any bloody patience, do you Wikus? (_cough_s) Excuse my language, folks. Anyway, I was inspired to start this when I read _Ask the CH Characters _by Wherever Girl, who was inspired to write _that _when she read _Ask the TP crew _by Secret Feline, and so on. This is how it goes: you, the reader (yes, I'm talking to _YOU!!!_), get to be part of the action by asking, or daring, any of the District 9 characters - and I mean ANY of them - to tell you anything or to do whatever you want! Doesn't that sound mind-numbingly fun?

Oliver: (_jumping up and down_) Can I play too, father? Can I play this Truth or Dare game, please?

Christopher: (_sighing_, _patting Oliver on his head) _We'll see how it goes, little one. We'll see.

Me: *3* Nawwww Oliver, you're so ADORABLE!!! - ahem, sorry for that: I only act like this when I'm exposed to cute things. :3 Here's how it works: you can ask/dare one or more characters, it's completely up to you, as well as the dares/questions (though no inappropriate dares/questions must be given to Oliver please, otherwise Christopher will kick the _kak _out of me, and I'll have a huge hissy fit if Oliver is scarred for life). :) Here's an example of a dare. Koobus?

Koobus: (_looking p*****d off, as usual) _Ja, what?

Me: (_holding up my taser) _Truth or Dare?

Koobus: (_eyes widening) Fokkit _... dare.

Wikus: Bloody showoff. T___T

Me: Okay! Koobus, I dare you to ... fall in a hole and die!

Koobus: (_putting on his angry face) _Why, you little s-

Me: I'm kidding, Koobus! Honestly, can't you take a joke? Heh heh ... actually, I wanted you to fall off a building and die, but you know, life ...

Koobus: _EK WIL BLIKSEM JOU!!!_

Wikus: _(laughing) _She got you, bru!

Me: Be thankful I didn't choose you, Wikus, otherwise I wouldv'e dared you to sing a duet with Christopher. _Superhuman _was on my mind. :)

Wikus and Christopher: O_O;;;

Me: And that brings me to an example of truth. Obesandjo?

Obesandjo: What?

Me: Truth or Dare?

Obesandjo: (_muttering) _Stupid game ... truth.

Me: Is it true that you never had a girlfriend?

Obesandjo: Who told you that?! (_glares at Wikus_) Was it you, you freak?

Wikus: I'LL GIVE YOU FREAK, YOU B******D!!!

Christopher: (_to Oliver_) That's it! You're definitely not going to play this game, not now or ever!

Oliver: (_sad eyes_) Awwww. :(

Me: OMG Oliver, I wants to huggle YOUUUUU!!! ^3^ Anyway, that's basically how the game works, folks. All those questions will be answered and those dares carried out if you review this! Plus, feel free to send in what I call "Motivators". You know, items such as my taser to "motivate" the D-9 crew to do as they told. Another example is a flamethrower ... not that I have one, noooo. XD

Koobus: I could use one of those!

Me: Well, tough cookies. You ain't getting nothing except questions and dares, so put that in a juice box and suck it!

Oliver: What's a "juice box"?

The rest of the D-9 crew: It's gonna be a loooong day ...


	2. Of Flowers, Shedding and Singing & Stuff

Me: Hello, and welcome back to **D-9 Truth or Dare**! And trust me; it has to be in bold. :) I'm a perfectionist/person who likes writing things in bold.

Christopher: I'll never understand you.

Me: And I'll never understand algebraic expressions, but that's not the point. (_looking at a piece of paper_) Well, paint me white, set my hair on fire and call me a candle! **Ngoc Chau **has sent us not one, not two, not even three, but TEN dares!! How cool is that?

D-9 crew: O_____O

Me: Ahem. The first dare reads: _I dare Obesandjo to bring flowers to twelve poleepkwas and tell them that he loves them. _Aww, isn't that cute?

Obesandjo: I'd rather choke on a prawn leg – (_sees AI07's taser pointed at him_) – but there's nothing else to do.

Me: Aww, you really _do _have a heart, Obesandjo! ^33^ (_passes him twelve bouquets of white roses_) Now go get 'em, tiger!

Koobus: And good bloody riddance!

(_Twelve prawns arrive, having been bribed with cat food_)

Obesandjo: -__-;; Yo poleepkwas! Come over here for a second!

(_The prawns nearly run away but they see the roses in Obesandjo's hands and walk over to him)_

1st prawn: What do you want?

Obesandjo: I … I just want to give you these. (_Gives the prawn one bouquet of roses_) And I just want to tell you … that I love you.

1st prawn: O_O Well … gee, um, thanks?

Obesandjo: In fact, I love you all. I'm crazy about you. (_Gives the rest of the prawns the roses_) You'll never know how much I love you guys. Man, I love you to death!

(_Wikus and Koobus are laughing their butts off when Obe hugs the first prawn, then they all run away with their roses)_

Me: Aww, that wasn't so bad now, was it Obe? (_Sees his blank face_) It hurt, didn't it?

Obesandjo: You have no idea.

Me: _Ag_ well, it's over now, so stop moping. The next dare reads: _I dare Christopher to walk around completely naked for a day._Now that I'd like to see!

Christopher: Hell no! Not in front of everyone! I have my dignity to maintain!

Me: But technically you _are _practically naked, except for the tattered pants and shirt-thing. Which reminds me, I bought you some new clothes, and I'll give them to you after you do this dare.

Oliver: Ooh, new clothes! :D

Christopher: Fine, fine, I'll do it, but will you all look away whilst I undress, please? (_Turns his back on everyone_)

Wikus: Like we'd want to watch you.

Me: That reminds me, how's _your_ transformation going, Wikus? I see you're got a prawn mouth coming on.

Wikus: _Fok _you. T_T

(_Christopher is finished undressing, and AI07 whistles_)

Me: You have the cutest butt, you know, Christopher?

Christopher: -____-;;; How embarrassing.

Koobus: (_sarcastically_) Nice legs, man.

Wikus: Not to mention those hips.

Christopher: _ Breathe, Christopher, breathe …

Me: That's it. Keep telling yourself that, Christopher. It'll be over before you know it. :)

Oliver: Father, must I undress too?

Me and Christopher: No!!!

Me: You're fine the way you are, Oliver, _my kind. _O3O Let's leave Christopher for now and move onto the next dare. It reads: _I dare Wikus to steal something from 5 prawns._

Wikus: I'm NOT a flipping criminal!

Me: You stole an axe, alien tech, people's lives –

Wikus: I had too! Neill Blomkamp made me do it!

Me: T__T C'mon, it's just stealing stuff from 5 prawns. How hard can it be?

Koobus: You jinxed it. Well done, Jeremy Clarkson.

Me: Thanks. (_Turns on the chainsaw_) Now get going, Wikus, otherwise I'll chop off more than a finger.

Wikus: *_gulps_* I'll be right back. (_Runs off_)

Me: Whilst he's gone off gallivanting, let's read the next dare, shall we? (_Reads over it_) And it's for Oliver!

Oliver: O3O For me? Yippee!

Christopher: (_angry_) I told you that you will not play this stupid game!

Me: Chillax, Christopher. It's a harmless dare: _I dare Ollie to sing us a little tune. _That's alright, isn't it?

Christopher: (_calming down_) I suppose so …

Me: And it's flipping cute, too! (_To Oliver_) So what are you gonna sing for us?

Oliver: I'm going to sing a human song that Father always sings to me when I go to sleep. It's about the sun and the moon.

Oliver: (_coughs_)

The Sun was in his bathing suit, the Moon in her pajamas.  
They played all day until the two were called in by their mamas.  
The Sun went home and climbed in bed, his mama sang a tune  
And soon the Sun was fast asleep and dreaming of the Moon.

The Moon decided not to go, instead she stayed outside.  
She danced and played and laughed and sang, 'til she was sleepy-eyed.

When morning came, the Sun arose and went outside to play,  
But could not find his friend, the Moon, who slept inside all day.  
So now these two are best of friends, apart by dark and light.  
The Sun turns in at evenfall; the Moon comes out at night.

The shining Moon sees no sunlight, the Sun sees no moonbeams,  
But when they both are fast asleep, they're in each others dreams.

D-9 crew (except Obesandjo, Koobus and Piet): Awwwww!!

Me: (_clapping and whistling_) Beautiful! That was soooo cute!! I love you, Oliver!

Christopher: (_patting Oliver on the head_) Well done, little one.

Oliver: :) I'm just sad that Wikus didn't hear me.

Me: You can sing again for him later on if he survives the prawns. Now the fifth dare reads: _I dare Koobus to shoot himself in either his foot or knee._

Koobus: _IS JY MAL?!?! _

Me: English, Koobus. Speak in English. And no, we're not stupid. We're _crazy_. :)

Christopher: (_shivering_) I can vouch for that. Can I get dressed now?

Me: Sorry, not yet. (_To Koobus_) It's either the foot or your knee, or – (_holds up the chainsaw_) – your head.

Koobus: O_O You wouldn't …

Me: What can I say? I'd love to watch you die.

Koobus: *_gulps_* Okay, I'll do it, but you're paying my medical bills. (_Takes out his gun from his pocket and points it at his foot_) Shit, shit, shit, shit …

Me: Cover your, um, ears, Oliver.

(_Koobus cocks the gun, mutters his "Shit" mantra over and over again with "Crap" thrown in for good measure. And then - )_

_BANG!_

Koobus: _OH FOK, MY FOKKING FOOT!! FOKKIT!! MY BLOODY FOKKING FOOT!! FOKKING MOTHER OF ALL FOKKING FOKS, FOOOOOK!!!!_

Me: Oh my word, he actually did it. Stupid idiot. If I were him, I would've used blanks.

Christopher: Does that mean I can get dressed now? I don't like the way everyone is looking at me, especially my front.

Me: Nope. We have to take Mr I-Just-Shot-My-Foot to the hospital, though goodness why. Unfortunately, that means we have to finish off today's **Truth or Dare **segment. Will Wikus return with the goods? Will Koobus die? And will Christopher survive being in his birthday suit for long? Join us next time to find out the answers, and witness the other five dares being carried out by the D-9 crew! It contains lots of prawns, cat food and a helluva lot of make-up! Send in your dares and questions! See you then! :D


	3. This Calls For An M Rating And Lady Gaga

Me: _Molweni_, and welcome back to **D-9 Truth or Dare**! I know, I know, I haven't been here for a while, but I was busy moping about the fact that District 9 did **not **win any one of its four nominated categories at the Academy Awards. That was such a huge fail. Oh yes, and I've been sick.

Tania: At least it was nominated, hey?

Me: But still!!! T___T Last time, Obesandjo was dared to give twelve poleepkwas flowers and tell them he loves them, Christopher was forced into his birthday suit (and my word, he has a cute bottom!), Wikus has gone off to steal something from five prawns, little Oliver sung us a cute song and Koobus had to shoot either his foot or his knee. He chose the foot, and now he's currently residing at the hospital. We don't know whether or not he's gonna die, but hopefully something bad will happen to him. :)

Tania: Even though I'm not a violent person, I hope so, too. He nearly killed my husband.

Christopher: (_trying to cover his butt_) And Oliver and I. Now when can I finally get dressed?! T__T

Me: 'Til we complete the dares. :P I have received two dares from one **MirriL – **hmm, sounds quite ominous –, eight dares and eight truths from **Ngoc Chau **(_throws a cookie at her_), two dares from **Blueberry the Doom Chicken – **CHICKEN!!!! 3 -, three dares and a truth from **Mr Crossover **– ooh, sounds like an agent – and four dares and two truths by **SarahNicole98 **– you gotta love sarcasm – but I'll read them out later after we complete **Ngoc Chau**'s final five dares – of DOOM!

Oliver: Do I get another dare? O3O

Me: (_patting him on the head_) Maybe, Ollie! Now, the sixth dare reads: _I __dare Piet to grind with a prawn for an hour._Whoa!

Piet: THERE'S NO BLOODY WAY I'M GRINDING WITH A DISGUSTING CREATURE LIKE THAT!! O__O

Me: You know you want to …

Piet: I don't!!

Me: Well, you could try Perreo.

Piet: What's that?

Me: It's grinding – doggy style, according to Wikipedia.

Piet: (_angry_) You little –

Me: Bring out Jennifer!

(_A tall, curvy prawn wearing a tight skirt and Lady Gaga-type bra saunters in. Piet looks shocked_)

Me: Piet, meet Jennifer. She watched _Dirty Dancing _and _Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights _seven times altogether. And she knows Perreo.

Jennifer: (_flirtatiously_) Hi. Wanna dance?

Piet: … (_sees the chainsaw in AI07's hands_) I'd … _love _to.

Tania: Be careful, Dad! Don't do anything to make Jennifer angry!

(_Jennifer grabs poor Piet by his arm and literally throws herself at him. AI07 presses a button on a remote control and Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance" starts playing as Jennifer pushes her backside roughly against Piet. Oh dear, this calls for an M rating!_)

Lady Gaga: _I want your love and I want your revenge, you and me could write a bad romance!_

Me: Cover your eyes, Oliver! This could take a while!

Piet: (_whining as Jennifer's long fingers run down his arms_) Help!

Me: Good grief, we've only started this dare 7 seconds ago and you're already whining.

(_55 minutes later, and Piet seems to be enjoying himself_)

Piet: Right there, baby! Oh yeah! Don't stop!

Everyone on the entire planet: EWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(_Before Piet and Jennifer's actions make Lady Gaga look positively normal, the police appear out of nowhere – with Wikus!_)

Oliver: (_happy_) Wikus! You should have heard me sing earlier! O3333O

1st Policeman: (_to AI07_) We found _him _(_points to Wikus_) trying to steal catfood from a prawn precisely 15 minutes ago. He says he's with you. Also, there have been reports that apparently you're torturing a cat.

Jennifer: (_angry_) A cat? Who told you that?! I'm no stupid cat! (_Runs after the police with a knife_)

Piet: (_sadly_) We had something special going on …

Tania: _Ag _well, Dad, it wouldn't have worked out. She's a prawn, you're an ageing human, and frankly I didn't relish the idea of having a step-mother who eats catfood.

Wikus: (_looking hurt_) But _I'm _part-prawn, and I'm your husband! And I eat catfood!

Me: Ignore her, Wikus. She loves you to bits. And she'll prove it to you in the next dare. (_Notices a sack in Wikus's hands – er, claw-things_) By the way, what did you steal?

(_Wikus tips the sack over and a helluva lot of tinned catfood falls onto the ground – and a pretty gold watch, a necklace, a ring and a hairbrush_)

Me: Who the heck did you rob? The Queen?

Wikus: Just some posh prawns. The way they acted, you'd think they were part of the Royal Family. And the last prawn I stole from had lots of catfood!

Me: Catfood, eh? That'll be quite useful for one of the dares, heh heh. Anyhoo, the seventh dare reads: _I dare Tanya to kiss Wikus when he gets a prawn mouth. _Well, I _did _say you were getting a prawn mouth, didn't I?

(_Tania and Wikus look at each other_)

Wikus: (_smiling – prawn-style_) Well, babes, how about it? I miss your sweet kisses now and again.

Tania: (_staring with disgust at the numerous drooping tentacles with its dull yet sickly colour_) Wikus, as much as I love you and accept you for what you've become, I won't kiss you. How about a hug?

Me: (_firing up the chainsaw_) I'm afraid that's not possible, because I'd have cut off your arms by then.

Wikus: (_giving Tania the sad-eyes_) Pleeeeease? Just one kiss from those lovely lips. Please?

Tania: (_sighing_) Alright, but I'm doing this for your sake, Wikus, not for the dare.

(_Tania and Wikus approach each other, as if they have seen each other for the first time. Wikus raises his claw to Tania's soft cheek, giving it a gentle caress. Tania imitates the same gesture, only she wishes she was wearing a glove. Then, without a word of warning, Wikus leans in, and –_)

Me: Oh my flip, he's friggin' smothering her! Geez, one of those tentacles almost went into her mouth and down her throat! Wait, is that a tentacle or a tongue? Those things have a mind of its own: it's sticking onto her face like suction cups!

Christopher: (_shivering_) Do you _have_ to over-exaggerate?

Me: Whatever. -___-

(_FINALLY, Wikus and Tania break apart. There appears to be marks on Tania's face_)

Me: How did it feel?

Tania: (_shaken_) Like I was being attacked by a squid in heat.

Wikus: (_happy_) It was GREAT! I feel like a new man!

Me: Well, I hope that brought you two closer. ^3^ Moving on to the eighth dare, it reads: _I dare Fundiswa to coat himself in catfood and run around D9._

Fundiswa: _Haibo! _No flipping way!

Me: So you're saying you want to go back to jail instead?

Fundiswa: No!!

Me: Then PLEASE do the dare, and I promise you I won't let those big, bad prawns eat your bum or let you rot in jail. O333333O

Fundiswa: (_giving into the sad eyes/Dark side_) Fine, but if I land up in hospital, don't you dare put me in the same ward as Koobus.

Me: Don't worry; he'll be dead by then – hopefully.

(_AI07 hands over all the stolen catfood and a can opener. Nine million years later, Fundiswa opens up all the tins and begins to undress 'til he's left standing in his underwear – which happens to have a picture of Halle Berry on the front)_

Oliver: Father, why's there a picture of a human lady on his underwear? O_O

Fundiswa: (_embarrassed_) It's like being in jail again …

(_Fundiswa proceeds to coat himself carefully with catfood: his arms, legs, hands, neck, back, face, ears, feet and even his hair. Eish_)

Wikus: You look like you've been in a meat factory.

Fundiswa: ;(

Wikus: It's just a fact, _bru_.

Me: Are you ready, Fundi?

Fundiswa: NO!

Me: Great! Be careful, Fundiswa, and remember to have fun! Now, GO!!

(_Fundiswa runs off, nearly slipping in the catfood as he goes along. Everyone is watching him. Fundiswa runs past some prawns, who look very shocked at what they see – and hear_)

Fundiswa: (_screaming_) Wheeeeee!! I'm the Catfood Man!! See how delicious I am? Run as fast as you can, you can't catch me, I'm the Catfood Man! Wheeeeee!!

The D-9 crew: O/////O

(_All the prawns in D-9 start chasing him, the little ones trying to catch up. They all try to grab at Fundiswa, but the man is too fast for them. It gets worse: some of the prawns start chasing after him with revolvers and AK-47s in their hands. It gets even _more _worse: a prawn rugby-tackles Fundiswa off his feet. Oh no wait, it got even _**worser**: _the prawns are standing over Fundiswa with hungry looks on their faces, and Fundiswa is starting to scream like a Mad Hatter_)

Fundiswa: AUUUUUUUGGGGGHHHH!!! I'm too disgustingly delicious to die!!!!

Christopher: (_to AI07_)Aren't you gonna rescue him?

Me: (_looking up from my video camera_) Hmm? Oh, right. (_Starts screaming to the prawns_) Yo poleepkwas! There's a catfood van waiting for you around the corner! There's more than one Catfood Man!

(_AI07 throws several tins of catfood towards where's she's pointing. All the prawns look up and run after the catfood and go look for the catfood van. Fundiswa looks like death)_

Oliver: Will he be alright?

Me: Sure, Oliver, _my kind_. :) See, those guys in the fancy suits are gonna take him to a place where he can have a nice shower, a big meal and a nice lie-down.

Christopher: (_sees two men lifting Fundiswa off the ground and loading him into a white van and driving away_) Who are they?

Me: Medical Assistance. Don't worry, he'll be back. A brave man, he was, a very brave man. ^-^ Moving on now, let's read the ninth dare: _I dare Ollie to try and learn to whistle while juggling._

The entire D-9 crew: AWWWWWWWW!!

Oliver: Yippee! Another dare for me! :D :D :D :D

Christopher: T_T I don't think so, son.

Oliver: /__\

Me: C'mon, Christopher, how hard can it be?

Obesandjo: You jinxed it. Again.

Me: Go flip yourself. (_To Christopher_) Trust me, we all adore Oliver to bits, and we won't let him hurt himself, right guys?

The entire D-9 crew: No way!

Obesandjo: Like I care, but the little guy always annoys me, so let him do the dare.

Christopher: (_sighing_) Okay, you can do the dare.

Oliver: Yay!!! :3 :3 (_grabs three empty tins_) I'm ready!

Me: Go for it, buddy!

(_Oliver throws all the tins into the air and starts spitting like crazy, attempting to whistle – did I mention the fact that Ollie can't juggle properly? Ollie tries to catch the tins, but misses, and falls over doing so)_

Me and Christopher: Oliver!!

Oliver: (_getting up_) I'm alright, Father. (_Gathers the tins again_) Did you see me whistle?

Everyone: Of course!

Obesandjo: Give me a break. T_T

(_Ollie throws the tins into the air again and attempts whistling again and he nearly succeeds!! He catches two of the tins, but one of the tins lands on top of his head, and Ollie falls onto his bum_)

Everyone: O___O OLIVER!!!!

Oliver: (_looking pleased_) I whistled, I whistled!! :D :D :D :D :D Father, I whistled, and I caught some of the tins!

Christopher: (_hugs Oliver_) That was brilliant, little one, though I think you should stop now. You could get hurt.

Oliver: Aw man!

Me: Shame, Ollie, you can do that later. :3 Now, here's the tenth and final dare from **Ngoc Chau – **for today, that is –, and it reads: _I dare Christopher to put on makeup and a dress and walk extremely flamboyantly as well as flirtatiously._

Christopher: WHAAAAAAAAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Me: (_rolling eyes_) Honestly, do you people have to over-react?! (_Looks innocently at Christopher_) Remember when I said I bought you some new clothes?

Christopher: (_looking frightened_) Oh no …

(_AI07 produces a shopping bag with "Occasions" written on the front. She puts her hand in the packet and pulls out a red knee-length_ _dress, black high-heels and a blonde wig_)

Christopher: Oh shit …

Tania: That looks so stunning!

Wikus: (_wolf-whistling_) Very sexy, Christopher. Or may I call you Christina?

Christopher: There's no way in heck I am wearing such a scanty piece of clothing, especially in front of my own son.

Oliver: (_to Christopher_) I think you'll look very pretty, Father.

Me: Awwwww Ollie, you're so sweet! (_To Christopher_) It'll be over in a few minutes. If anyone dares to do anything more than flirt back with you, I'll roundhouse their butts.

Christopher: (_taking the dress, heels and wig_) That being said, why do I still feel so unsure?

Tania: (_taking Christopher's arm_) Come, I'll help you get ready. After I'm done with you, you'll look like a beauty queen.

(_Tania and Christopher go off to the changing-room_)

Oliver: (_to Wikus_) Do want to hear me sing the song?

Wikus: Of course. I don't have anything else to do.

(_Oliver sings the song to Wikus, and sings it again to the D-9 crew after an hour since Tania and Christopher left. AI07 is on the phone ordering something from eBay)_

Me: (_on the phone_) You say can deliver it in less than half an hour? Great! We'll be needing it soon!_ Ciao! _(_Gets off phone_) Good grief, what's taking Tania and Chris so long?!

Wikus: (_sarcastically_) Maybe Christopher broke a nail.

(_Suddenly, Tania appears with a big smile on her face_)

Me: _Wat is met die groot _smile?

Tania: You'll see! (_shouting_) Come on out, Christopher!

(_Christopher wobbles in on the high heels, wearing the dress and wig and HELLUVA lot of make-up on his face – ooh, is that cherry-flavoured lip-gloss? And he's wearing a pair of dangly gold earrings, and my word, look at those legs! Like the Eiffel Tower!)_

Christopher: (_tilting his hips suggestively_) Hello there.

Wikus: O////////O _Jislaaik …_

Me: (_whistling_) Now that's one Extreme Makeover.

Piet: (_looking sad_) I miss Jennifer …

Oliver: OoO Wow, Father, you're the most beautiful dad in the world! 3

Christopher: (_in an attempted female voice, which sounds pretty darn convincing_) Thank you, son. (_Walks over to Wikus like a model_) You like?

Wikus: (_face flushing_) You look like a _fokking _clown.

Christopher: (_leaning in, jutting out chest_) Ooh, I see you have a loaded mouth, but what I'd like to see is how loaded you are down there. (_Glances downwards at Wikus's legs, and Wikus just about dies)_

Me: My word, Chris, this is _definitely _gonna bring us an M rating for sure!

Christopher: If M stands for "Marvelous", there's no need to thank me. (_Walks over to Obesandjo, swinging "her" hips and fluffing up "her" hair_) Hey big boy, I know you can't teach an old dog new tricks, but I'm sure you've heard this one. (_Leans in right into Obesandjo's face_) Sit and beg.

Obesandjo: (_wanting to strangle Christopher for invading his personal space_) What about it?

Christopher: (_patting Obe on the head_) I see you sitting, but you're not begging, buster. (_Trailing her hand down Obe's chest affectionately_) So start begging, honey.

Obesandjo: (_disgusted_) GET OFF OF ME NOW!!! (_Pushes Christopher onto the floor_)

Christopher: (_in his normal voice_) You ruined my dress!!And you almost made me lose a nail! Idiot! T_______T

Me: Oh Christopher, you're still pretty all the same

Christopher: (_female voice_) Really? :3

Me: Really, deary. You're like the prawn-version of Marilyn Monroe.

Christopher: (_fluffing up the hair as she gets up onto her feet_) Only so much sexier. Don't you think so, Wikus?

Wikus: …

Christopher: I take that as a yes: I make all the all the boys speechless, if you know what I mean. (_Winks at Wikus and blows him a kiss_)

Wikus: WILL YOU CUT THAT OUT?!

Christopher: (_normal voice, with a laugh_) Sorry, Wikus, but it's getting rather fun to annoy the hell out of you. ^-^

Me: (_laughing_) Oh wow, you should have seen the looks on your faces, Wikus and Obe! It was such a picture, I can tell you that!

Wikus and Obesandjo: _Fok _off.

Christopher: Can I change now? These heels are rather uncomfortable.

Me: Sure! I bought you new pants, a shirt and some shoes for you, and some clothes for little Oliver. You guys can have a little break. :3

Christopher and Oliver: Thank you! (_Go off to the changing room_)

Me: And that is the end of the dares from **Ngoc Chau **– for now! Thanks again for those dares! :D We have just enough time to do the two dares from **MirriL**!

D-9 crew: Oh noes!!! X(

Me: Chillax, they're not that bad! Now, the first dare reads: _I dare Piet to give Wikus a hug and tell him that he always wanted a son-in-law like him. Awkward moment... XP _LOL, I'll say!

(_Piet and Wikus look at each other_)

Me: Come on now, don't be shy! Let's hear what ol' Piet has to say about his favourite son-in-law. XP

(_Piet, still a little sad about Jennifer, walks over to Wikus's side, and gives him a super hug, nearly throwing a very surprised Wikus off his feet_)

Piet: (_pulling back_) You know, I always wanted a son-in-law like you: courageous, uh, a moustache … er, and prawn genes in him. Back then, I never knew what a prawn mouth was for, but now I know. It – ummm, makes my daughter, eh, _happy _when you kiss her with those tentacle thingies … and no doubt, you have strength, and you throw a mean left hook … well, claw-thingy … (_Clasping Wikus on the shoulder_) What I'm trying to say, Wikus, is that you'll never know how much of a great son-in-law you are to me …

Wikus: (_eyes welling up_) Really, Dad?

Piet: Abso-bloody-lutely. I'm so proud to have a prawn-human hybrid-thing related to me! I think …

Wikus: Wow, that's probably the most … weirdest yet loveliest thing you've ever said to me.

Piet: _Ja_.

(_Silence_)

Me: (_coughing_) Well, that was quite a speech there. Well done. Now, I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that Koobus has returned, but not in a coffin. No, he's still alive … unfortunately.

The entire D-9 crew: AW MAN!!!!

Koobus (_his foot is wrapped in a bandage_): I HEARD THAT, YOU LITTLE CAPE-TOWNIAN MONSTER!!!!

Me: (_angry_) Hey, there's nothing wrong with coming from Cape Town! And I think I speak for all of us when I say that I can't say the same for you coming back from the hospital!

Koobus: You little buggering –

Me: Moving on to the next and last dare from **MirriL**, and for this dare she gets a cookie, 'cause it reads: _I dare Koobus to shoot himself out of a cannon. (Hooray for making him hurt himself. I'd like to see him die also ... )_

The entire D-9 crew: HOORAY!!!

Koobus: WHAT?! But I just got back from the hospital! You can't do this to me!

Me: But I already ordered the cannon _way _before you arrived! During Christopher's dare! And here it comes now!

(_The cannon-on-wheels is wheeled into the fic. Koobus looks up at it in shock_)

Wikus: Now _this _I have to see! :)

Koobus: I'm NOT climbing into that thing! No _fokking _way.

Me: Fine, have it your way. (_Holds up the chainsaw_) Since you don't need your foot anymore, I might as well chop it off, hey?

Koobus: FINE! I'LL DO IT! WHO CARES IF I BLOODY-WELL DIE, ANYWAY?!?!

Everyone: (_simultaneously_) We don't!

Koobus: THAT LAST PART WAS SARCASM, IDIOTS!!

Me: Just get into the cannon already.

(_After finally finding a step-ladder, Koobus limply climbs up it and gets into the cannon. If you listen carefully enough, you can hear him actually saying his prayers_)

Me: (_quietly to everyone_) Now, Koobus doesn't know this, but he's supposed to be wearing a helmet. Should I tell him?

Everyone: NO!!

Me: (_smiling_) Awesome. (_Shouting_) Are you ready, Koobus?

Koobus: (_shrieking_) DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M BLOODY READY?!?!

Me: Yes! (_Strikes a match and lights the string-thing on top of the cannon_) Have fun now!

Koobus: I HATE YOU!!

Me: I hate you, too! Oh yes, did you know you were supposed to be wearing a helmet?

Koobus: WHAT?!?! YOU EVIL, CONIVING LITTLE –

_BANG!_

Koobus: YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!

(_Everyone watches as Koobus goes flying off into the bright blue yonder 'til his cry was heard no longer_)

Me: Well, there goes Koobus. Again.

The entire D-9 crew: HOORAY!!

Me: Unfortunately, that ends today's **Truth or Dare **segment? Will Koobus survive the shot out of the cannon? What will the next dares bring, and what kind of questions have to be answered? Join us next time, and bring your cameras: there'll be costumes and truths galore! Send in your dares and questions! See you then! :D


End file.
